SEX AND RELATIONS IN BARBADOS
Post date: Jul 9, 2009 6:14:53 PM
SEX AND RELATIONS IN BARBADOS
– Guileful Women - Nothing to do with seemliness, Christianity or morality.
White people! What do you intend to do and how many years are you going to continue to allow actions set in place by your ancestors to destroy the inter-relationships and the potential of the human race? It is incumbent on the white community in this country to change the paradigm by which black women are seen as a species of game animal with an inherent “dignity-ball” syndrome. During the latter period of slavery, women of light complexion, not Caribs, held dignity balls, where only white men and no black man could attend. It was a farce for dignity suggests, as Aretha Franklyn sang, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. The dignity ball did not enhance the value of brown women or their daughters; it taught them that they were to wait on men.
Commentators on racial sociology say the most lasting legacy of white racial bullying and supremacist practices has been a fawning subservient attitude of blacks in the commercial and tourism sectors, however, this is not the case, instead the most devastating results of two hundred and eleven years of chattel slavery and after has been the treatment of black women as bed wenches, women of easy virtue, as the South African Boers say they say they have to be forceful with “these people” and that they only respond to masterly force. The concept of sexual baaskap – meaning boss - show them, who is boss. Baaskap in Afrikkan language means an ideology of bossism - total fascist control, where not only the body but the mind is imprisoned - a plantation prison.
People have to learn to respect black women; this is what they have never done. White women here are super-ordinates; they are some of the most dominated, submissive and dependent. Many people do not realize that many white men do not respect their own women and do not promote them to positions of power in their organizations.
Once upon a time from the time of slavery it was an established practice that white men chose black enslaved women and this has remained a feature of male/female relationships and since then the only significant change has been, where in those days it was white men - the droit, the seigneur, the lord of the manor had carte blanche rights vouchsafed by God to spread the legs of every nubile female – now, in the modern era, there has been not much changed; there are men with cash in all ethnic groupings and they operate on the belief that as long as a female is not a relative it is open season, free access to black women based on an economic nexus.
An aphorism with which these men operate is: “She has a body to be serviced and I am performing social welfare. I am going to tune up her body and do the 4 Fs: find her, feed her, feel her and foop her,” like a Hollywood situation, where each producer can look at a Jennifer Lopez or a Paris Hilton and say: “do not mind she, I had her.”
They must cut down each female and if they find one not like that and they can get someone near to her to do so then they feel that they have conquered the unattainable.
Beware! the label of contents should be checked otherwise there is the risk of harm for all over the island there were great grandmothers and grandmothers, who were the most aristocratic persons that did not give an Adam; they knew, who they were and they got it across to their off spring white, black and brown. They created formidable females with which nobody troubled.
“Everybody” does get a rude awakening, when some female of a different set of standard and norms, who knows how to protect from those, who have no idea of what is immoral.
Do For Do Ain’t no Obeah or One Smart Dead at Two Smart Door
A……. has attained the answer to cut across all social barriers to make ‘all of we one.’
Twenty years ago, he was a neighbour. He is one of those people, with whom a relationship must be distant and subordinated. His girl friend, who became his wife was too mocking, too smug and too worthless. She quit work, went to the university and never worked during the marriage. He lost access to big cars from his job, when he chose early retirement. “I tired of the duty sex.” His religion taught that he was first and no matter his wife was part of him so she had to be put before others. That is schizophrenia: a split between feelings and thought, behaviour and action. Finally she up and left him refused counselling and he admitted that she had been about what he had had.
He came back again about a year ago for advice, counselling and health tips with another of the same.
“Can’t you find a woman that is a finished product, one with manners, who can express regrets, who can see a point that is glaring her in the face and who can see why honesty is necessary, regardless of circumstances.” As suggested he took a six-month break from this last woman and went out to say Hi! to a woman, who had some kind of interest.
So many black mem do not benefit from and cannot form relationships and not many are successful. They have been brought up not knowing what relationship is about; they do not understand and they destroy themselves in their interaction.
So many of them sustain women with material things and too many women hold on to men for what they can get - economic dependence and they end up breaking each other’s spirit. Some women stick in a relationship and only, when the man is dead they say: “I never liked him.”
It comes down to money. Like an old lady at ninety-five years of age, who had seventeen children and, now unhinged, boasts that she never worked a day in her life. The men from whom she had the children, mostly white, supported her. She is ugly and had married but the husband - none of the children are for him - went off in three weeks.
I carried out an informal survey of the middle class men around me and in nearly every case from town to country it was the female hired help – the maid, the field worker, older girls, who initiated their first sexual experience with boys as young as twelve and most likely it was to cement a future economic relationship.
“I do not want any black women around me because as soon as you have something to do with them they want something.”
And Women say: “Let me see what use I can get out of him.” “Oh! He got money!” “Oh! he got a big car!” It is culturalization and must be weeded from our children. Too many are incapable of friendship without sex. They heard and saw the white man foop a lot of black women and gave them some money. It is handed down and almost natural, a cycle that is hard to escape for it is written that wherever the natural is oppressed the unnatural takes its place. When it came to sexual thing the morays, the way of life was corrupt.
Mis-education and class ignorance started, when white people did not need a big lot of sense or education to get rich and lived in big houses to which blacks did not have access but had to go in the fields and work and did not have money. The worst manner of white man or brown-skinned man was called Sir! Just because he had less colour and could buy people.
Respectability was to wear proper clothes, go to church and sit up front in the pew. Blacks were encouraged to breed; it was not until well into the 20th Century that they were encouraged to marry in the church and even then marriage had an economic base: a lot of blacks did not marry until they got a house. One fellow would not marry until he got his own house; he married and his children were old people.
The priests were very respectable too: they baptised legitimate children on the first Sunday of the month and the other Sundays were for the illegitimate children. The only churches, which preached against sexual immorality were the Pentecost.
Morality is dictatorial when it lumps natural feelings of life together with pornography. In doing so, it perpetuates sexual smut and blights natural happiness whether this is what it intends to do or not. It is necessary to raise a strong protest when those, who determine their social behaviour on the basis of inner laws instead of external compulsive behaviour codes are labelled immoral. In the field of mental hygiene, the first and foremost task is to replace sexual chaos, prostitution, pornographic literature and sexual trafficking, with natural happiness in love secured by society.
… Erich Fromme
The parallel in the whites is people like the Wards, in the 20th century. The Wards are short people and Ward, a short white man, owned houses next door to where he lived at Maxwell House with a white English wife, with whom he never had children. He had women in those houses, whom he supported and from whom he had children. In all he had over one hundred children from many, many women – white, black and mulatto. How was his wife comfortable with a husband having all those women and children?
His brother did the same thing and they sent their children to good schools and universities and all the children were called Wards. One called Deighton that lived in the area, at Deal became a judge and then Governor General. Ward populated nearly the whole village of Nesfield in St. Lucy, where he kept a storeroom of yams and hungry females were fed and fooped. He had scores of children there.
Frank, one from that area, became a brilliant surgeon and when he was at Guy’s in London Mr. Ward told that “Frank up there studying and doing very well but the first time he fail an exam I done with that.” But would he have felt so about a legitimate child? Some white Wards do not recognise that the coloured ones are their first cousins after all they did not get their name by ownership.
White man Cox from Castle Grant had about one hundred and fifty children. He went blind and died of syphilis. He looked after some of his children, not all. The Walkers are his off springs - Prince managed Castle Grant, Norman was a school teacher, Pop was editor at the Nation newspaper and Herbie Walker was an inspector in the police band years ago. Mr. Webster had his quota of coloured children, about ten.
This was never part of the routine for some, who were not exposed to that conduct, behaviour or mode and our great grandmothers’ told about Chrissie Brathwaite, a politician and man-about-town now regarded as an early radical. His house was near Queens Park. He wore his hair shoulder length and nobody talked about it.
The Smiths, Sleepy Smith and his brothers went to school from Brathwaite’s house because their mother and their father, who was a school master lived in the country and during the week they stayed at his house. Their grandmother was a domestic there. It was not a class thing, they come along that way, she stayed working for him and earning a living and the children went to Combermere and then to Harrison and nobody knew what went between them. He interfered with every woman yet he was a churchwarden.
Ernest Deighton Mottley, whose son is Elliott Mottley and Elliott’s daughter is Mia Mottley was a sex fiend and paedophile. He set up a soup kitchen in Queen Park, fed them, gave them clothing and bedded them and their girl children and every body knew but he was confirmed at St. Mary’s and had a front seat and the Church preached about illegitimate and threatened hell fire.
Morals did not come in to it. That was superficial. Like respectability being a Christian was a commodity and some on the fringe were uncouth. Older people could not forget Jube Reece, half brother to Ernest Mottley, when it came to sex he was called a madman; if that is called madness there are more people insane than is thought. He was not accustomed to taking no! Jube’s grandfather was a plantation owner, who had Jube’s father, Walter, from his maid. Walter did not publicly acknowledge his black ancestors, became Solicitor General and he also had Mottley from his own maid.
Many decades ago, an older middle class friend, when he was a young student at College, had a friend from his school days and he asked him to drop his girlfriend home one night and he raped her under the threat of a gun. The girl had spent the whole weekend at the friend’s house, slept in the bedroom with his sister and he never touched her. No legal action was taken, then, some people did not care much about that sort of thing and no one wanted a court case because certain people could not be put in court. He carried a name - his father was white and owned a lot of property and he inherited money but his father was not going to spend any money sending a half-caste son to Harrisons College. He was bright but he was sent him to Lynch’s school, called Green Lynch, and was friends with Harrison College poorer whites. He became a magistrate.
Then there was economic enfranchisement but the white companies are still run by whites. All over now sex is the common currency and it is exploited by men lower down the social order, who have money to spend not to save. It is contagious and not a natural evolution. They feel that they have arrived and are independent and that is the way to show it and in the general atmosphere of cheap thrills, the more gross the more exciting.
Black men brag that they are great at sex and that women like them more than any other man but a lot of it is: “Everybody has to put up with it.”
There needs to be a campaign against such unnatural behaviour. A……. found his favourite kind - one with a large behind. She was his neighbour, Jamaican nearly-divorced and had spent more than a decade in the island with a husband from the lower middle income, whom she met at university and who became a doctor.
He does not easily lend his car but he lent her within a few weeks. She told him in the sweetest of sweetie voices, in the softest of softie tones, the nicest of nicie ways with sexiest of sexy body language that she had a boyfriend overseas. Since his intention was sex, after favours and a length of time he began to touch her; she asked of others what to do but she played softie-softie, sweetie-sweetie, nicie-nicey, sexie-sexy with him and continued to used his car and did not fill leave a spare gallon of gas. Finally her nicie-nicie, sweetie-sweetie and softie-softie sexy-sexy approach had run its course. He took away the loan of the car and expressed for the first time the irritation she had put him through:
“She thinks that she is smart. She should become independent; she had been taking advantage, always doing things and then saying sorry like some damn little girl; her priorities are wrong. She has a husband and it is his two children. What about her boy friend in Jamaica? She is living above both her means and mine too. If she had to rent a car how much it would have cost her? He could not afford another monthly commitment. He had to pay all the bills in his marriage and now it is he alone to support his son. And the pants she wore to exercise is printing out ever inch of herself. How disgusting!”
In spite she had given him a fortunate opportunity in a business one in which he could have come along at his own rate and in his own time because he is way down the brightness ladder but he is angry, slighted; pushed to the edge and no longer interested in a personal relationship but tried to continue the business arrangement. In a business meeting, which she chaired he tried to look powerful and make an impression and the only way he could was to bully with jabs, indirect shots and innuendo. No spoken agreement took place between the two but she did not correct his conduct – she protected his back; it was a mutual exchange for free Internet use in his house - the bedroom business transcended into the boardroom and all sincerity was thrown out the office window.
Passive aggression is the way many exist in their daily lives; it falls into place like a predisposition for a particular type of behaviour. They think that they will not be discovered especially, when their victim is of humble manner, treats every one with a certain amount of respect, does not have to assert authority, does not show off and all not because of stupidity. They think that if they are treasured it is because better is not known.
She knew all he said about her and she said nor asked him anything but continued to enter his house and use his Internet: “I am vulnerable now.” Even when she discovered other distressing personal details, which he should have revealed to her; she continued her silence and this allowed him to slip into a mode of annoyance - not understanding, misunderstanding and playing the idiot. She had overestimated her worth for he discovered his lust was based on lack of exercise and excess of fat from weight lost.
“If I tell you it would be my opinion you have to read it for yourself.” He is a net-worker. At fifty years of age and a committed, unmovable Bahai of over twenty years yet he cannot explain Bahai; he brings a piece of paper. Bahai is a source of bewilderment and better left alone i.e. they have Christ in their ideology but the righteousness of their teachings is not convincing.
It is a religion based on one man, who claims to be right and to “show them,” like the Mormons were revealed to - handed down to someone in a vision, they are fraternities and most turn out to be clubs, associations. At a meeting there will be friends and a young doctor and some people like Cally Mottley, when he was alive, and an Indian or two - a nice social gathering and all speak in the same way with the same emphasis. At Jesus’ mock trial a woman said to Peter that he was from Galilee and spoke like a Galilean, Peter had not realized that, when he spoke he would show up himself for there was no way of getting away from Galilee.
With quickened seemingly upward mobility so many find neither chopsticks, roti, fingers, knives, forks and lack sensitivity for all what another stands. They do not watch to see what others do. African friends serve very hot dishes called soup with meat and gravy and eat with their hands but we call it stew and eat it with a knife and fork. So many have “car first” but kitchen equipment non-existent. So many eat their lunch on the street on the minibus in the car but then again they do not cook lunch anyway.
Like a girl bought a shotted-taffeta dress to wear to a dance and when the dance was over she found that she had nothing to wear to work and she wore it in the field. The fault is that we do not live in a fundamentally honest society, therefore it is difficult for an individual to help - it is wiser sometimes to stay at arms length
Someone said that bad taste is better than no taste. Ask A……. if he enjoyed a meal and his reply is: “It is food so I eat it. I did not know what it was.”
On top of never having a life he has become a patsy to a fly-by-night subversive piece of doctrine made to feel acceptable and normal, a course in the value of virtues, now doing the rounds like Total Quality Management (TQM) a few years ago. A psuedo-morality with loose labels and words that people like conjured up and passed off in the public domain. Shallow things given serious meaning to poor unfortunate teachers he recruits. Wonder if the government pays for this - to listen, to repeat and regurgitate like birds undigested food, unsophisticated baloney made easier to swallow and passed on to the foolish with a piece of paper printed on a printer that says: “I am immune from any further knowledge.” After all a health certificate does not mean that a sore foot cannot be got.
A……. has adapted this formula to his life. The virtue he has picked up is what he calls assertiveness and his course tells him that all demanding people do not have contentment nor do they know how to cooperate and all stubborn people need respect, flexibility, obedience, detachment, moderation and forgiveness – and he is now equipped to look down upon anybody he sees lacking this long list of ignorance.
He attended the Cave Hill Campus as an adult student and has a degree in Business Management and it would have been a surprise if he came out with knowledge. He sees affluence as a fancy car, a big house, and friends that belonging to a big organization but he cannot see how to get there.
The ordinary person is not going to understand dialectics but what every civilized human being does is use two forms of logic to come to a conclusion one is deductive reasoning and the other, inductive reasoning. Deductive reasoning means more often than not from experience, if every time the rain falls the road is wet so even if someone is asleep and does not heard the sound of rain but the road is wet it is likely that rain fell but sometimes the sanitation truck washes down the streets.
Inductive is more mathematical, more a process of thinking to find reason not because of any positive insights but gut feeling taken into refined reasoning, a kind of inductive feeling. The man, who discovered that the arrow of the sugar cane was a sugar cane seed not because he saw them spring up. The way he did it was inductive reasoning - there has got to be a reason - they got to be seeds.
This is the sort of reasoning you get that from the wise men (griot) of the tribe.
She thinks that she is bright but she does not understand nor has she taken the time to think about others philosophy of life. In blissful guilefulness so many younger people, especially young women, do not know that older people are wise to their conduct, are bearers of customs and are people of perspicacity – mental penetration and discernment - to see through things and with enough wisdom to perceive the possible outcome of an action and even knowing that go ahead.
In her game she sees only herself in a mirror and sees only her own self-interest and does not take into account whether the opponent is more wicked or more witted than her and does not consider that she can lose. She understands the male’s protective instinct and found that there are some men, who are prepared to sacrifice some of their aspirations for a comfortable life with a woman and children and whatever comfort there is, for a time.
It is an old observation not a rule that says a man should leave his mother and cling to his wife but it is not a right philosophy. It is a matter of making peace, men do not want to embarrass their women. Delilah, even if you do not believe the story the moral is there, asked Sampson how he became so strong and what was more valuable to him was sleeping with her.
Men have means and get trapped because of their children and too late men understand f that they have served a purpose - security and respect earned vicariously because he is well respected in the community.
When challenged she spoke of resilience. Resilience is the capacity to maintain ground and courage in adversity - survival and that means physical as well as spiritual which allows for a bounce back to the original. What she did was not resilience but compromise “playing whory-whory”- “dry screwing”- the enemy. Resilience is not only the ability to survive in adversity but in the same form. There is no winning in a game with vice. The bible tells not to have fellowship with it otherwise it grabs hold, catches and there is no getting away.
“I think A…….. is looking at one aspect and other facets of whatever his own mental experimentation through inter reactions with people. And is trying to secure whatever that brings about a learning dynamic.”
This statement is a petty way of getting out of responsibility and it has no face in reality. It is easier not to try to see, what in one form or the other everyone around has seen; easier not to believe, it is a form, a pattern of lies, that repeats itself and there is surprise at the outcome.
What are the answers and how to save oneself from the personal suffering when setting a good example gives no hope. This has to do first with training at home: creative thinking and problem solving in the house. Women must be trained to not compromise, to be straight, to adopt a standard and stick with it. To stand up in the truth.
Achievement in life is not how much money or how much wealth or social esteem or social respect but real benefit is the love that a person is able to exercise and show to others and in the exercise of living that love and allowing it to mature and blossom to the benefit of humanity and nature.
Women can set the bar and can stop the foolishness of condescending to the whims and fantasies of men, like Lysistrata, a Greek drama by one of the Greek authors from ancient times, BC, where the women went on strike to end a war.
It is called a Greek tragedy by literature scholars, who classify such things but that is from a man’s point of view. What a tragedy or a tragic comedy to men to imagine that women could stop a war and by simple and non-violent means:- that is the notion to end it all by withholding and refusing to do all that women usually do:- all household work and just stop from sleeping with their men. With real women in power there stands a better chance to get a better government.
Not women with sex problems. With women like Billie (Miller) and Mia (Mottley) there is no feminine allure. Who wants to be with them? Billie walks through the New Orleans slums with great ostentation, haute couture, a bag worth about $1,000.00 and she has not worn anything but silk for a long time. Stupid style but same of the same people, who struggle for meagre means admire that and some will worship it with their: “I cannot buy it.”
They cannot admire her for her brains for she has never displayed any and even if she had a good ideas she is bland at pronouncing. She opened a new bus stand and the only people, who listened were the conductors and those, who were working but she spoke any way because it would go down in history. Her father, Freddie used to talk a lot but he had initiative.
Men like to patronize women so the main thing is that women in power are not just figureheads - Mary Daly, the feminist writer, calls them femme-bots – mock-stick, robotized women, who behave like men and belongto men e.g. Condolezza Rice, Indira Gandhi, Benazir Bhutto.
All Eva Peron did was inherited from her husband and many Argentineans revered her even though she was no particular use to the people. V.S. Naipaul in his book The Return of Evita Peron, said that she was great at fellatio.