AUNT DOLLY - WHERE RIGHT IS WORNG AND WRONG IS RIGHT - Part Two - CHAPTER ON CHILD ABUSE –
Child abuse, the BBC reported, is caused by three factors:- unhealthy psychology, unhealthy ideas and unhealthy living environment, which is lack of support and lack of relationship. Of course it can be a more direct cause.
Children can no longer continue to suffer from the deeds of our parents; it is not about revenge but mistakes must be admitted, amends made and not continue to be eaten up by wrong deeds - to remember but not be bitter and hateful otherwise terribly wrong will not be righted. In other words do not join the attitudes and the behaviour of our older generation because such activities managed to obfuscated right and wrong and prevent lofty ideals.
My mind is trained as a scientist but there are some supernatural phenomenons that are hard to explain but are obviously another aspect of cosmology. From the time we grandchildren opened our eyes we heard our grandmothers talking about people who sold their souls to the devil.
Goats, one pink and one blue, give an impression that children being sacrificed - in terms of sex, blue means perverted sex like homosexuality. A blue light bar means homosexual bar, red light district is prostitution and yellow means drugs. Pink symbolizes innocence. Innocence and corruption: the blue goat symbolizes a child corrupted through sex and it is on the right side, the approved side and is lower and closer to the fire painted beneath.
The girl or the pink (innocence) is on the left and hangs just above the blue and directly opposite symbolizing that the boy is to be sacrificed first. Both children have phallic symbols in their mouth on which they suck as they are about to fall into blood-red fire. Blood surrounds them and blood reaches up from the flames to encompass them. The glass has a black stain that suggests darkness. There are ten five-point stars and they are displayed up sided down. The number ten symbolizes judgment and destruction, like the ten plagues of Moses, and a sense of nothing more is needed.
The stars always face north and is a symbol of the horn hunter, the devil. The stars are arranged such that they are four in the centre just above the goats and three to the left are in a convex curve that goes up above the pink goat while a similar set of three to the right of the picture are curved downwards above the blue goat. The shape gives the impression of a goat’s face in the centre with one horn turned up on the left and on the right one horn turned down. If the two stars are rotated together 90 degrees upwards they coincide with and form a perfect curve above the four stars in the center of the glass. This is a symbol of the little dipper that is located just above the constellation Draco. The four stars of Draco form an upward curve in the same way. This is part of the constellation connected in mythologies with the symbol of the dragon or Moloch Horridus. Moloch is the armoured lizard of ancient history to whom babies and children were sacrificed in fire.
All four of us that were over seven years of age and some – and I suspect all, who came to Aunt Dolly’s school were sexually abuse most from the age of seven and maybe some were too young to understand. Those, who, like me in later life – at forty years old, have found the words and emotion to express, what happened have not prospered physically and for those who are not strong enough to stand alone are almost in an autistic state, with no real command of themselves and no ability to exercise high degrees of responsibility.
Spiritual value, which is soul, has been traded for material, which will wear away. As ambition grows intelligence goes and they become peculiar and cannot bring themselves to part with information that might give anything away. Uncompromising analysis and vision strikes fear, they become desperate and use any means. Danger removed pleasantries appear again but when the need arises it is business as usual.
Some cannot give up the influence that comes with the family but at the same time, for they still have their inner whatever they thought they would have wanted to be or do, when they say they want to do this and want to do that they want to feel good about themselves but wanting to do is not doing. Like Jesus, in this case one must not only be willing to die but one must die. Willing means sacrifice and lost.
Marcel is the first female grandchild and second grandchild of Sissy, Aunt Joan’s second child and eldest daughter, three months older than me, she was my playmate and closest friend before she went abroad. Whereas Sissy called Aunt Dolly Praxeles, Marcel inherited practicability.
Sometime after we moved in with Harold and Dolly, a bedroom was sectioned off the back dining room for Howard and just out from the psychiatric hospital that was his bedroom. Howard had pulled at Aunt Joan when she was a young girl, she told her mother and Sissy had thrown him out of the house. That news, it seemed, had not filtered through the years.
When we were but seven or eight years old, Howard had been sexually molesting Marcel and she had gone around and shown all the children what to do with their sexual organs. In her innocence she did not understand the difference between the female and male organ and exactly what he had done. All through the family homes and friends homes there was an outbreak of showing and rubbing - girls and girls, boys and girls. Aunt Barbara, Colin’s sister, Aunt Doll, and probably more caught children about or in the act. Maybe it was not much fun for all of a sudden the outbreak stopped and we all forgot completely about it.
“Harold pulled Howard off me.” Marcel told her story in 1989.
Harold [Aunt Dolly’s husband] had pulled the man old enough to be her great-grandfather off Marcel in his, Harold’s and Aunt Dolly’s, bedroom.
Aunt Dolly took control and committed that which saddens the heart. Everything had to be covered, Marcel was picked at and was ostracized for little things – she could not be awoken in the morning – the classical sign of abuse – for this she was pillared.
Sexual molestation was the first step to break me in. It did not take hold of me like it did to others but it overshadowed, afflicted me and caused trouble to come at me from several levels as I was isolated.
“She is lying. She has made it up because she is not now doing well.” So many years had passed and I could not prove my allegation so I said no more. I decided to tell Ninnie, my grandmother: “I am so old now, why did you not tell me before. I put so much in you the first six years of your life.” She said.
Ninnie died two years later.
In response to a letter in an agony column in the newspaper I wrote an anonymous letter, told my story and analysed my sexual abuse as caused by a dependent mother. The columnist said that my letter made her cry. Aunt Dolly saw the letter and sent it to Joan in Canada along with a message with ridicule.
“Look, Ann mad.” She wrote.
Marcel saw the clipping and “nearly went mad” for she had, at that time, just remembered her sexual abuse for which she was in therapy. She decided not to do anything until next time she came to Barbados and then she would “go public.” The family came for Ninnie’s funeral. Marcel decided to handle the situation first before she came to me. Unbeknownst to me she went and saw the Child Care Board and was appalled at the reaction. I had encountered the same. Marcel then confronted the family, who kept her silence and refused to answer.
The day before she was due to leave she telephoned me and she said talk to me because that the same man, Howard had molested her around the same time.
“Who knew?” I aksed
“Harold pull the man off of me.” She replied.
She told me when she had became upset and her mother had put her on Valium for ten years, from the age of fifteen to twenty-five, and that it had had the effect of taking away part of her brain. I read to her an article I had written for a newspaper.
“I could never do that. I could never sustain thought long enough. You survive how you can. I will never come back to Barbados, not after the way I was treated; they victimized me again.” She said.
I was armed with new evidence but the reaction was the same.
Aunt Dolly said Marcelle and I were mad.
“Dolly said that that could not have happened in her house. When things like that happen to people they go mad.”
“If things were so bad around me why did you not leave.”
“If Howard interfered with you; it is because you wanted it.”
That statement still continues in my heart for I knew I was an innocent child. Those were the last words said to me for sixteen years. That was 1989 and the only time I visited was this year and not since.
Marcel went back to Montreal and never contacted me and for a long time I tried to stay neutral. The times she returned to the island were kept secret from me. Two years later I happened upon her in a supermarket.
“How could you be like this. How could you play with me so. I thought you would be on my side and all you have done is made matters worst. You left me with all this wrath.” I said.
She ran out screaming. I heard that she had to be taken to the doctor.
“Ann, send Marcel mad.” Aunt Dolly said.
I have met very few really clever men and far less women and with no family and to be someone who does not conform to the notion that a woman wears a dress, keeps near men to see that they are comfortable, have no opinion because women do not think is beyond abuse. The same notion prevails all over that is why women in places behave like robots.
“It is a family affair.” Was all I got friends and no one assisted.
There is more to hide, sexual molestation of children has continued to the next generation in Aunt Dolly’s house with her grand children - from six to sixteen years - pregnancy at fourteen and abortion.
“What has it done for you?” One said when I finally found out. It meaning speaking out about my abuse. Say something and be put of the house again as she was at sixteen and living from pillar to post at strangers. She will be careful to speak of abuse again.
“Brother Neddy get lock up and he ain’t do nothing - Pampalam
He get ten years for his own granddaughter – Pampalam”
This song was made against Rocky’s father because while so many in the community thought that Brother Neddy did nothing wrong in having sex with his grand daughter Walcott meant that justice would prevail. He took Brother Neddy’s to court and he was found guilty.
The family aggrandised and satisfied themselves that they are safe materially for life but finer qualities have been forgotten. The demon is in concealment and in order to stop the curse one must bring out the bones of the skeletons in the closet otherwise the curse continues and when an object is burnt in a ritual a curse is sent against what the object stands - in this case the truth. Howard was a pervert and when he molested children let loose a monster amongst innocence.