Child abuse, the BBC reported,
is caused by three factors:- unhealthy psychology, unhealthy ideas
and unhealthy living environment, which is lack of support and lack
of relationship. Of course it can be a more direct cause.
Children can no longer continue
to suffer from the deeds of our parents; it is not about revenge but
mistakes must be admitted, amends made and not continue to be eaten
up by wrong deeds - to remember but not be bitter and hateful
otherwise terribly wrong will not be righted. In other words do not
join the attitudes and the behaviour of our older generation because
such activities managed to obfuscated right and wrong and prevent
My mind is trained as a
scientist but there are some supernatural phenomenons that are hard
to explain but are obviously another aspect of cosmology. From the
time we grandchildren opened our eyes we heard our grandmothers
talking about people who sold their souls to the devil.
Goats, one pink and one blue,
give an impression that children being sacrificed - in terms of sex,
blue means perverted sex like homosexuality. A blue light bar means
homosexual bar, red light district is prostitution and yellow means
drugs. Pink symbolizes innocence. Innocence and corruption: the
blue goat symbolizes a child corrupted through sex and it is on the
right side, the approved side and is lower and closer to the fire
The girl or the pink
(innocence) is on the left and hangs just above the blue and directly
opposite symbolizing that the boy is to be sacrificed first. Both
children have phallic symbols in their mouth on which they suck as
they are about to fall into blood-red fire. Blood surrounds them and
blood reaches up from the flames to encompass them. The glass has a
black stain that suggests darkness. There are ten five-point stars
and they are displayed up sided down. The number ten symbolizes
judgment and destruction, like the ten plagues of Moses, and a sense
of nothing more is needed.
The stars always face north
and is a symbol of the horn hunter, the devil. The stars are
arranged such that they are four in the centre just above the goats
and three to the left are in a convex curve that goes up above the
pink goat while a similar set of three to the right of the picture
are curved downwards above the blue goat. The shape gives the
impression of a goat’s face in the centre with one horn turned
up on the left and on the right one horn turned down. If the two
stars are rotated together 90 degrees upwards they coincide with and
form a perfect curve above the four stars in the center of the glass.
This is a symbol of the little dipper that is located just above the
constellation Draco. The four stars of Draco form an upward curve in
the same way. This is part of the constellation connected in
mythologies with the symbol of the dragon or Moloch Horridus. Moloch
is the armoured lizard of ancient history to whom babies and children
were sacrificed in fire.
All four of us that were over
seven years of age and some – and I suspect all, who came to
Aunt Dolly’s school were sexually abuse most from the age of
seven and maybe some were too young to understand.
Those, who, like me in later life – at forty years old, have
found the words and emotion to express, what happened have not
prospered physically and for those who are not strong enough to stand
alone are almost in an autistic state, with no real command of
themselves and no ability to exercise high degrees of responsibility.
Spiritual value, which is soul,
has been traded for material, which will wear away. As ambition
grows intelligence goes and they become peculiar and cannot bring
themselves to part with information that might give anything away.
Uncompromising analysis and vision strikes fear, they become
desperate and use any means. Danger removed pleasantries appear
again but when the need arises it is business as usual.
give up the influence that comes with the family but at the same
time, for they still have their inner whatever they thought they
would have wanted to be or do, when they say they want to do this
and want to do that they want to feel good about themselves but
wanting to do is not doing. Like Jesus, in this case one must not
only be willing to die but one must die. Willing means sacrifice and
Marcel is the
first female grandchild and second grandchild of Sissy, Aunt Joan’s
second child and eldest daughter, three months older than me, she was
my playmate and closest friend before she went abroad. Whereas
Sissy called Aunt Dolly Praxeles, Marcel inherited practicability.
Sometime after we moved in with
Harold and Dolly, a bedroom was sectioned off the back dining room
for Howard and just out from the psychiatric hospital that was his
bedroom. Howard had pulled at Aunt Joan when she was a young girl,
she told her mother and Sissy had thrown him out of the house. That
news, it seemed, had not filtered through the years.
When we were but seven or eight
years old, Howard had been sexually molesting Marcel and she had gone
around and shown all the children what to do with their sexual
organs. In her innocence she did not understand the difference
between the female and male organ and exactly what he had done. All
through the family homes and friends homes there was an outbreak of
showing and rubbing - girls and girls, boys and girls. Aunt
Barbara, Colin’s sister, Aunt Doll, and probably more caught
children about or in the act. Maybe it was not much fun for all of a
sudden the outbreak stopped and we all forgot completely about it.
“Harold pulled Howard off
me.” Marcel told her story in 1989.
Dolly’s husband] had pulled the man old enough to be her
great-grandfather off Marcel in his, Harold’s and Aunt Dolly’s,
Aunt Dolly took control and
committed that which saddens the heart. Everything had to be
covered, Marcel was picked at and was ostracized for little things –
she could not be awoken in the morning – the classical sign of
abuse – for this she was pillared.
Sexual molestation was the first
step to break me in. It did not take hold of me like it did to
others but it overshadowed, afflicted me and caused trouble to come
at me from several levels as I was isolated.
“She is lying. She has
made it up because she is not now doing well.” So many years
had passed and I could not prove my allegation so I said no more. I
decided to tell Ninnie, my grandmother: “I am so old now, why
did you not tell me before. I put so much in you the first six years
of your life.” She said.
Ninnie died two years later.
In response to a letter in an
agony column in the newspaper I wrote an anonymous letter, told my
story and analysed my sexual abuse as caused by a dependent mother.
The columnist said that my letter made her cry. Aunt Dolly saw the
letter and sent it to Joan in Canada along with a message with
“Look, Ann mad.” She
Marcel saw the clipping and
“nearly went mad” for she had, at that time, just
remembered her sexual abuse for which she was in therapy. She
decided not to do anything until next time she came to Barbados and
then she would “go public.” The family came for Ninnie’s
funeral. Marcel decided to handle the situation first before she
came to me. Unbeknownst to me she went and saw the Child Care Board
and was appalled at the reaction. I had encountered the same.
Marcel then confronted the family, who kept her silence and refused
The day before she was due to
leave she telephoned me and she said talk to me because that the same
man, Howard had molested her around the same time.
“Who knew?” I
“Harold pull the man off
of me.” She replied.
She told me when she had became
upset and her mother had put her on Valium for ten years, from the
age of fifteen to twenty-five, and that it had had the effect of
taking away part of her brain. I read to her an article I had
written for a newspaper.
“I could never do that. I
could never sustain thought long enough. You survive how you can. I
will never come back to Barbados, not after the way I was treated;
they victimized me again.” She said.
I was armed with new evidence
but the reaction was the same.
Aunt Dolly said Marcelle and I
“Dolly said that that
could not have happened in her house. When things like that happen
to people they go mad.”
“If things were so bad
around me why did you not leave.”
“If Howard interfered with
you; it is because you wanted it.”
That statement still continues
in my heart for I knew I was an innocent child. Those were the last
words said to me for sixteen years. That was 1989 and the only time
I visited was this year and not since.
Marcel went back to Montreal and
never contacted me and for a long time I tried to stay neutral. The
times she returned to the island were kept secret from me. Two years
later I happened upon her in a supermarket.
“How could you be like
this. How could you play with me so. I thought you would be on my
side and all you have done is made matters worst. You left me with
all this wrath.” I said.
She ran out screaming. I heard
that she had to be taken to the doctor.
“Ann, send Marcel mad.”
Aunt Dolly said.
I have met very few really
clever men and far less women and with no family and to be someone
who does not conform to the notion that a woman wears a dress, keeps
near men to see that they are comfortable, have no opinion because
women do not think is beyond abuse. The same notion prevails all
over that is why women in places behave like robots.
“It is a family affair.”
Was all I got friends and no one assisted.
There is more to hide, sexual
molestation of children has continued to the next generation in Aunt
Dolly’s house with her grand children - from six to sixteen
years - pregnancy at fourteen and abortion.
“What has it done for
you?” One said when I finally found out. It meaning speaking
out about my abuse. Say something and be put of the house again as
she was at sixteen and living from pillar to post at strangers. She
will be careful to speak of abuse again.
“Brother Neddy get lock
up and he ain’t do nothing - Pampalam
He get ten years for his own
granddaughter – Pampalam”
This song was made against
Rocky’s father because while so many in the community thought
that Brother Neddy did nothing wrong in having sex with his grand
daughter Walcott meant that justice would prevail. He took Brother
Neddy’s to court and he was found guilty.
The family aggrandised and
satisfied themselves that they are safe materially
for life but finer qualities have been forgotten. The
demon is in concealment and in order to stop the curse one must bring
out the bones of the skeletons in the closet otherwise the curse
continues and when an object is burnt in a ritual a curse is sent
against what the object stands - in this case the truth. Howard was
a pervert and when he molested children let loose a monster amongst